Over the time we experience different things in life.
I did not expect the past 7 months to have been living under some hollow shadows, or rather, being cheated terribly.
Perhaps they were all lies. Promises do not come easily. Those that do are empty promises.
I’ve given myself a lot of chances to believe and re-believe it’s all facts and obsessed with the perception that prince and princess will live happily ever after.. only yesterday to me realised that the happy ending shall be there but the princess can never be me.
Each time I see a new hope and repeatatively telling myself it shall be the last hence i should be grabbing the chance, something eventually will turn out and vanish all of it. It seems to be too bubbly — i can never hold on tightly in my palms.
Was it just an illusion? Or it was so true that I’ve been cheated too.
What is ’soon’? It can be as soon as an hour, a day, a week, a year .. or, 10 years. If i say i’m coming to your place soon, it can bring themeaning of ‘now’. But when i say things will be settled soon — it can take up to years, or even 100 years is ‘SOON’ if were to compared to 200 years.
7 months of awaitment. It’s just for a word of ’soon’ which i believed and put in so much faith — turned out to be a great disappointment when i finally realised all blames were then back to me.
Perhaps it was me who’s stupid. Girls (mostly) are emotional, yeah? We believe whatever ourpartner says, especiallyin love. No matter what others have been telling you or pointing out all the wrong-doings, we still hold on to our principals and love blindly.
Till one day we got hurt, we’ve been dumped, we realised the happily living together ever after story never came after all .. We were then awaken.
What is Loving someone now but unable to perform the love?
Is that similar to I Love You but unable to Marry You?
Is that similar to I Want You hence I Take You.. for granted?
It’s because of the word ‘Love’ that so many girls ‘died’ in it. We tend to think the partner is giving the heart and soul - thoroughly. When we found out the truth, We couldnt accept it. We cried. We yelled. We shouted.
We then asked for a break-up. But fell into the trap again after some sweet-talking done by the guys. It’s like a cycle. It will never end unless wewake up fromdream.
Perhaps it’s human nature to be greedy. I wouldnt deny i would like to keep the ‘existing’ one while getting a ‘better’ one. And i know it applies to 99% of the people around the world. But the more i’ve experienced how hurtful it is to be the ’spare’ or rather ‘extra’ (alternative choice) I know i will never want to do so to my loved ones.
Still, I’ve then become the ’spare’ ones.
Till the very last moment before the official graveyard was given to the relationship, i suddenly realised what type of partner i need in the future.
He must be matured in thinking. He must be able to give me a sense of secure. He must not make empty promises and yet still telling me ‘I will do it’. He must know how to measure ’soon’ this term. He must be able to accept me for who I am.
Most importantly, he must not blame me for whatever things that happen.
I thank God for that.
and pray that this ‘He’ shall exist — SOON — and this ’soon’ shall keep k.i.v as no one can ever define the time frame.
Sigh.
-kJ-
May 28th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Maybe your prince DID NOT lie to you. I am sure he REALLY loved you. And I believed his “soon” was really soon. In fact, I think he was already making progress over at his side. But then again, maybe something happened and disappointed him so much that he himself felt cheated and even betrayed. May not be from one incident, but perhaps from several small small incidents.
Communication in a relationship is very important. Maybe due to lack of comunication or an intentional silence have left your prince wondering if you still loved him? Maybe your action have created a huge question mark in his mind on whether you might have indirectly ditched him? I think both of you guys have suffered a lot over this last 7 months…suffering in your own ways, in dfferent degrees and different times.
I am sure your prince still loves you. I am sure he has not ditched you unless he has told you so. I am sure you guys are still “friends”. If so, that means both you guys need a much longer time to “discover”. Who knows? Maybe one fine day it will happen.
Everything happens for a reason. That reason may not yet be known for now…but one fine day…the puzzle will open up.
Well, at least you guys are still friends!
May 30th, 2008 at 1:48 am
Wow.. That is a straight forward article. Is it about your?
I think your next boyfriend should be like this,
- matured in thinking (but there is a boy inside every man!)
- able to give a sense of secure (emotionally or physically?).
- know how to measure soon this term (you know measurement?).
- able to accept me for who I am (ofcos…).
He must not
- make empty promises (sometime “empty” for you is “full” for him. So, define “empty”)
- telling me I will do it(example of “empty”?).
You talk like picking a pet from shop!!!!
Well, i could be that pet if you want to take me home (you got what I mean?)
P/S: I know i am a jerk.