Quite some things have been completed as per scheduled.
Felt the sense of achievement. Seriously, i do. There were times that i felt so defeated when i couldnt finish my work or tasks. The pressure that i got was enormous. So strong that i couldnt even breathe.
Perhaps my emotions swing like a roller coaster. I need more time to adapt to it before i could react onto anything- but it changes so quick in that blink of second merely because of certain issues that arise.
It’s 4th of June today. Exactly 2 years ago on this date, i was struggling should i go to work in TAR College for their IT Roadshow- as i was thinking for a nice sleep in the morning instead of that incompatible pay offered by the agent. Yeah i was stilla student back then. I worked to earn - and was able to sustain myself. Since i was on holiday, i decided to just go over.
It was a small booth which i was stationed at.I just did my part as an event promoter to represent my client’s brand. When it’s almost 5pm, i was excited as it’s time to go home. Someone came to me to ask for my number, i remembered all others were calling me Mr. Boss. He said he would hire me again if there’s other roadshow, he’s the marketing manager he claimed. I asked for his number. But no, he didnt offer. So i thought, ok that’s alright too. If he really wanted me to work, he would call me eventually.
On the last day of the event, he hid behind of the counter under the speaker to call me. Ianswered toan unknown number, with that someone asking ‘Hey why did you pick up calls while working?’ Obviously i got to find him under the speaker. That was funny though. I remembered. We laughed over it and he told me I can have his number- thats the reasonwhy he called. He looked much younger than his age. Very much. I found him humorous. He’s witty. He’s got the something i thought i was long looking for, from someone that i’ve been waiting but eventually left…
Obviously we didnt keep in touch after work. Once a while i received his call, with some lame questions like whether i touched his pda during the roadshow because he found my name saved under his contacts with the ‘anniversary date’ or so- No i dont know much about pda. I was using my SE k700i and there’s no need to set such kind of things under contacts. But i thought.. you know, i thought he’s getting some topics to chat about.
Girls’ instinct could always fail. We are not always right. At least, i’ve been wrong, so wrong over these 2 years.
On the dayi had to work late night, i requested if he could come to accompany me. He came, of coursei was happy. The next day which i had to work in Zouk, he was nice enough to pick me up in noon though he’s working and sent me home after midnight. Probably he’s been nice to every single girl that he knows - i aint sure. But obviously that gave me and led me to a situation that i thought, there was chances between us.
I really thought so.
But i was wrong. Very wrong.
Just after he told me we could only be friends, i was disappointed.I started to drink a lil, i wanted to pick up smoking again. But there’s no need to be sad or mourning over someone who doesnt appreciate you. I love myself, i’m sure i can stand up strong.
Then i made the most-wrongful-choice in my life. Since then, i gave up entirely. I was constantly living a miserable life. I didnt want to care what happened, what were the consequences ahead, what would life lead me to. I took things as they came, i let them off when they had to leave. I didnt treasure my life. My friends. The people around me. I let myself drown in some disasters and didnt want to face the outcome..
and i left. I left without saying a word.
I came back with some shits still, hanging half way which left unsettled. I then got myself into some troubles again.. again and again. I suddenly realised, over the year, exactly a year i hadnt done much. I was only wasting time. I took my one whole year trying to forget, but i failed. I was still at the exact same position where i was a year ago, i hadnt move forward, even a step.
I started to focus in work. I tried not to think too much. I tried not to let the past disturb my thoughts, but i was getting a lil more emo. I could easily drop tears. I was so badly affected by such incident. I felt spiritless. I felt down almost every night. I tried ways to hypnotize myself, i even tried to practically use what i’ve learnt in my theoritical class back in University times.
All in vain. all in vain…
It’s again, 4th of June. Exactly 2 years ago on this date, we became friends. Over the last 2 years, things happened around us seemed to be like a dream. I woke up from my dreams, realising that i havent been living in real, whilst you’ve left all these behind to live your life.
And after these 2 years, exactly on this date, you said we can be friends again, and we shall merely remain as friendsbut never lovers. I took 2 years to come back to where we started, if we had made this clear and i could wake up from my dreams much earlier- we wouldnt need to go through all these to come back to the starting point. There’s never a cross between our lines, we were and will be safely walking on two straight lines heading to two ends… two different ends which shall never met.
If only, life is with no regrets.. I have no regrets loving you, but will stop doing so on the date we become friends again. It’s a promise i made to you, I shall keep it full-heartedly.
If one day i realize i cant do so anymore, with the agony of still loving you but unable to have you, i will leave.. i will still leave with no regrets.
To love is to surpass oneself. I think i did, have you?
Take care my friend. Please take care.
