kJ’s paradise~

Has been a while since i really wrote something.. meaningful. Perhaps every single thing in my life has been so meaningful that i dont even know how to pen them down - or perhaps, they were so insignificant that i lead my life sa routine as how it is everyday.

Am away from KL to work- will be going home this evening. Tomorrow till Sunday will be public holidays (supposed to be a Yeah!) but i have tonnes of work awaiting to be settled. Daddy is suggesting to go for a family trip. So the moment i’m back to my comfy bed i will have to be away again - is that gonna be a relaxing trip? Or just a gate-away physically but my mind is all set onto work.

Perhaps i’m no longer that little girl who sits to wait for traveling opportunities. I used to be always longing for holidays, backpackings, etc. But i have my liabilities now, i have my concern when i’m away. Not only that i miss my work - though i sound like a workaholic, but yeah, i always complain about my work but i still enjoy every single minute of it. Perhaps i still have the passion in it. I dont know.

We are always flooded with choices to make. Whether it’s gonna be a good or bad one, or wisely to say correct or wrong, who should be there to judge? I made a choice a while ago, though it was a heartaching one, and i guess i can maintain it till it lasts, but on-off i still have doubts onto that. Is that what i want? Though i know it’s a definite NO, but the situation doesnt allow me to go any further. I have to choose to let go.. aching saying a goodbye to someone i love.

Some people say it’s hard to understand what women are thinking. You know, you constantly have to guess because we are a constant changing creature. People say women change their minds every minute. Guys do, dont you think so? Perhaps we girls express them out. I see the need of an effective communication thus we voice out our opinions. Guys, however, might not easily show their emotions. They hide most of the things in heart but probably acting the other way around. And that’s how we pull each other away, further away, and finally a goodbye.

I’ve always been a very emotional person. If you’ve known me well enough, yes i listen to just emo songs/musics. I let my emotions settle to the most peaceful pace and probably, i drop a few tears to release my tension. But that doesnt mean i’m weak. Musics bring back most of my best memories in life, be it a happy ending or no, i cry for a reason.

I’m currently listening to What dreams are made of (ballad version). Found it on youtube, originally someone introduced this song to me via msn. He was telling me about this another blog which plays this as a background music, and we searched it through google and found this piece of artwork. It’s always this song that i feel him with me, i smile to every single challenge ahead though some seem to be an obstacle in life. When he’s away i listen to this song and cry.. not that i miss him so much, but even if he’s here i dont get much chance to meet him either. It’s a great sense of sharing feeling, we used to share so much (or perhaps just me?) and i have so much of my feelings being relied onto him just by chating.

He’s gone. Some people came into your life for a reason, they come and go because their task is done, They were here to help you out and though you’ve been really grateful and wanted to pay back with whatever you can, you will never have such chance. You might also be a reason of entering someone else’s life, but as it’s always a rotating routine, you leave people’s life without saying a word.

There’s no happy ending to it.

We hardly get a lifetime friend. I mean, you are not at your old age to say you’ve led a great life with someone, but if you do, appreciate them. I appreciate all my friends who come in for a ‘reason’ or ’season’, though they come and go i know it’s time to move on. How many times can you think back of your past and still feel great to have such companion?

I’m trying to keep my every single promise i’ve made. Though i fail and sometimes i dont even remember, but there are certain major ones that people seem to remember and still feel grate that i was with them when they needed me. Thanks for reminding me It’s a best way to cheer me up when i’m lost at such crossroad.

Just feeling a bit emo, for no reason. I’ll be fine, people Dont worry too much. The Kj that you all have known is still the same, i’ve never too drastic changes. Perhaps gradually evolving to be a better person .. i hope it’s really being a better one.

Went to watch The Orphan two days ago - ok i know it’s pretty late as it’s almost end of the season, but i’m glad i could still find time to walk into a cinema after all these hectic work haunting me day and night! wow sound so scary. Anyways, a good one i would say! Two thumbs up for The Orphan. and that ESTHER [lol]

Only those who have watched will understand what the first paragraph actually means.

It was supposed to be a great day. You know, finding time to hang out with friends and watch a movie though i was distracted by something that had happened.

It’s about.. betrayal. People mis-using my trust. I mean, i know i shouldnt be blogging about this, i dont know who are the random people out there who read my blog. But then again, i’m just trying to express my disatisfaction towards some people’s attitude in taking friendships for granted.

Relationships in general (including friendships! of course) are built on the term - TRUST. you trust someone and hence you are willingly to open up your heart (even if its not entirely) to him/her to talk about anything- at least to the minimum, you are willingly to spend time with each other.

I was just wondering whether i made myself clear about the concern i had earlier- i remembered i said it much earlier and everyone was clear about it. At least they should know - (or maybe i assumed?) Still, when shits happened (of course for a reason!) they claimed they have not known and are innocent.

I dont blame anyone for that. It’s probably my second mistake in work to have taken in ‘that’ crew member. I knew what’s her background, but i thought that was the past. We forgive and forget, i thought that should be the way. She took things for granted, came into my work and tried to interfere, and yes! ended up messing up bits of the situation.

I dont blame her. I just fired her off the work. But then again, never did i expect she has persuaded some others to join in the gang.. i called it a trap!

The sense of being betrayed is so strong that i couldnt even forgive myself. The last time i had such feeling was just 2 months ago during a job in Sunway. Of course, i learnt my lesson. But why do people still like to take advantage on the trust i’m giving in order to build the friendship? Shall i just not trust them and show them the hirearchy system that I’M YOUR BOSS and that’s it?!

I never practiced that. I knew it wouldnt work!

Sigh. Praying there’s no third time of such - i hate to be stuck in between.

Needa get back to work. I’m away from KL these few days and wil only be back on Saturday.

Concentration is a must now in work!

xoxo

I’ve been really busy.

I think it’s been a norm that i start my blog post with such sentence. Yes, i’ve been really,really busy. It’s to an extent that i think i’ve no life. I wake up every morning thinking about pending work, unfinished tasks, uncompleted proposals and perhaps cheques that are yet to received. I have to cancel off a few trips due to work, namely ‘profits come first’.

Though sometimes (or most of the time) i wonder if this is what i ever wanted in life. Perhaps all working adults are facing this dilemma and a turn-point in life which we dont longer have the advantage of making decisions as we like? Depending on moods, and probably flows with the emotions.

I’ve been playing Black Eye Peas’ songs I got a feeling over and over again - i just have this sudden liking to it. Perhaps it reflects what i ‘was’ feeling - yeah it was yesterday night. Not today though. But it eventually leads to my happy mood today

The power of a song.. and the words one says

Let’s just pray that my work will go smoothly- everything runs as per scheduled. Keep my fingers crossed..

I got a feeling.. That tonight is a good night.. That tonight is a good good night

It’s been a long week- busy and hectic week. All about work. Looking back at my schedule, sometimes i wonder how did i ever make it to what i’ve done today. Everyday seems to have endless pending tasks, and most of the time i’m only able to hit the sack nearing to wee hours.

Not to mention waking up at 8am then to kick start my day. =.=”

Anyways, the roadshow i’m currently running is finally coming to an end. To be in precise it is ending on Monday and finally some good sleep. I’ve met lotsa people - most of them are new to me, and i’ve gotten more headache moments dealing with some of them.

There are people who are destined to be successful. There are also some people who are fated to be such a failure. Working attitute determines how one handles challenges in life. If you cant even take a part time job seriously, if your life dictionary has never gotten a ‘punctuality’ word to have existed, I think you are such a loser.

Why do people gains all the trust and confidence from others easily whilst you are still finding your path along the way? If one doesnt have the quality, or you are unable to deliver a simple task completely, i would really have doubts to hire you again in the near future.

So why bother to come to me and ask for upcoming jobs vacancy and specially mention you deserve a higher pay? [LoL] do you think i give a damn to even explain you deserve half the price of what i’m offering now if i would ever take you again?

Life. Some people are merely messing up their lives living in own imagination.

I wonder how do they survive stepping into this working world.

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On the other hand, i’ve been badly disturbed by some untruth rumours recently. There’s this chinese phrase that says dont bother to explain because rumour eventually stops (spreading) when it reaches an intellegent someone. Only foolish people randomly follows whatever others say - which i THOUGHT it could be true.

Somehow i was very wrong. Or perhaps people around me are still yet to be upgraded to ‘intellegent people’.

Not refering to all, but some of those that i know.

Things got worsen these days. Every now and then i hear things from everywhere - which people assume it will never come back to me. I’ve never been a superstitious person to go to a temple to burn more incantations and pray for my well-being thinking that life is gonna be a lot easier after this; but i just stay put to my belief and know i’m always well-protected.

And things are trying to knock me off my feet each time i’m trying to stand still. Perhaps its all challenges in life to train me a better person. What doesnt kill me, makes me stronger?

I wish i am, walking at a stable pace with someone i can rely to, holding my hands and still smiling comfortably despite whatever bad things that have happened.

It’s the support we can have for each other - though i used to long for a confession which it then ended nowhere -

i’m glad to be who i am today, with someone that i can trust and love entirely, and though life might lead us to nowhere or eventually we might have to be apart.. I still appreciate what i have today.

With you. and only you.