kJ’s paradise~

US Server has been loading really slow recently- No i’m not blaming The States but i’m blaming our streamyx connection. Somehow they just dont click - and i am having problems loading my own blog!

Geez. Maybe i should have registered this domain under our Malaysia server- then all of these problems will not be a problem now. I’m gradually losing patience to wait and wait and do nothing in front of the lappie!

Wanted to update more stuffs but didnt have the mood earlier. Well now that i understand when people say ‘work pressure’. I didnt quite get them when i first started to work, its more of a relaxing job- honestly, i have not been having much (or any) pressure. What’s stress at work i’m really not sure.

But now, sigh. To start off a business was my decision, guess that’s also my responsibilites to take all the stress right now. I’m gradually feeling the headache-ness striking, insomnia at night, anticipation when there’s projects, nervous during events and stuffs.

Minor stress helps to improvise work performance, i understand this very well. But i guess too much of it makes me sick. I’m sick- physically or mentally? lol

Looking forward to my Bali trip next week. Hoping that it’s gonna be a good one, a relaxing one.

Let’s pray that the event tomorrow morning will go on smoothly, as per scheduled.

Niteys people.

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I need 8 girls for the below event:

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Event: Internet Cafe Members Reward Programs

Date: 25th April 2009 (Saturday)

Time: 6pm- 11pm (Standby at 4pm)

Venue: Wangsa Maju (behind of WangsaMaju Putra LRT station)

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Job Scopes: To usher the VIPs for speech, assist in lucky draws, ushering team welcoming at registration counter before event.

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Note: Make-up and Hairdo will be done by a saloon nearby. Hence you need to be there by 4pm for sufficient preparation time. Attire will be a black dress provided by client. Own black heels.

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Requirements:

1. Height: 165cm without heels

2. Presentable Looking

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Please send your profiles with pictures to kjseow@gmail.com

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Thanks.

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I wonder if people are born to be narcissistic.

Probably Narcissistic Personality Disorder has been a pretty common syndrome among young girls and boys nowadays. They dont have the qualifications- be it physically or mentally, but they are expecting people to treat them as if they are a top star.

I’m now in an event line. This industry, just like�most other jobs out there, is something that we wanna maximise our incomes with the most limited expenses and still be able to produce excellent results to clients. We can have a thousand�hours to do the preparation, but its only within that split second on the event day which might screw the whole thing up.

If its blown, we are gone. If it turns out ‘good’, client asks for a better one. If it turns out best, we dont get much credit either.

Event is a team work. There’s no one who can run an event ‘alone’, thinking that lone ranger earns most and ‘I dont need you!’. We are talking about coordination work here. We are talking about team work. Even if i’m the floor manager i would still need my technical team to back me up, my backstage crews to get ready the performances, my runners to pass the props, my usherettes to elegantly walk near the VIPs to inform any contingency.

Some girls are borned to be pretty. They dont need much make-over, they have big sparkling eyes, sharp nose, fair skin, slim and tall, and yes, they get most jobs we offer. They are the ones most clients are looking for - as the society now has been poisoned with such thoughts that ‘tall + fair = pretty’.

It makes them arrogant, it makes their ‘price’ much higher. Is price equivalent to pride? I always wonder.

Some people dont have such borned qualities. They dont have the angel face with the perfect combination of bewitchful body, they dont have the 170cm model height unless they have to wear a 6 inches or more high heels shoes. But they dream. Yes, each and everyone of us dreams. They dream to be like the models one day- they fall so deep into such dream even though they are now 20 over years and have no hopes in growing any ‘better’.

I cant be giving a model’s compatible payment to someone who is not even near to a model, for the sake of making you happy or realizing your dreams. I am now talking about my maximum profit - and i’m not gonna spoilt the economy market with such a deteriorating standard.

But you, you are nothing near to what i want. Who are you to be so sarcastic. The low payment means i dont need any qualifications from you.�You dont need to speak or present yourself. All you have to do is standby, and yes just standby. Are you expecting to get the same payment as those who are on stage models who are doing cat walk?

Look at yourself. If you have ever got into any jobs you will know what ashame is. You are not well-versed in any of the Malaysian dialect, you cannot communicate fluently to anyone out there with the most perfect English, and all your talkings are with some foul languages.

But here you are, telling everyone about the low payment, complaining about how event people mis-use your ‘talents’ by placing you just to ’standby’??

If you dont like the job, if you are not hungry for jobs that i offer, you can choose not to apply. I dont even know you in real, i dont give�a damn if you dont take me as�a friend. After all, you are any bypasser in my life and so am i to you.

Now that you need the money. You told me you wanted the job and willingly to learn. But in the event you were bad-mouthing me as if we have known each other for long, hence you know every single bits of me!

I didnt fire you off straight away. If i were to argue with you, i’m just deteriorating my standard to where your standpoint is. You ruin your own image, you got into the ‘black list’, and still wishing me to hire you again for jobs?

I may be kind in some ways, but definitely not this time to forgive you and giving you another chance to spoil my event.

I’m not a Saint. I forgive you for being ‘innocent’, but i dont plan to take the risk.

Have fun in your own land, have fun searching for jobs if you think any agents out there are willingly to try you out.

Sincerely,

The Ms Bad KJ

Sometimes i hate myself.

It’s for that greed i have in me, the lil demon that has taken control over me. I hate myself for unable to resist temptations. I hate myself for not able to be more matured.

Life is about making choices. I made that choice. I shouldnt even regret over it. But why am i now living in sorrow, devastated, disappointed, and upset over all these.

Some say there’s no point to cry over spilt milk. I did, i learnt my lesson just months ago. But as time flies the exact same incident comes back to haunt me.

I dont know what am i doing. I just hate myself for being so.

The punishment i had didnt last me long.

& I’m still here, grieving, all alone.

in this long teary night.

went to watch a really nice horror movie. lol, i was being scared by some of the scenes but its all good.

It’s been a while since i last watched a horror movie. Nothing specific, just that sometimes i dont find the ‘thrill’ to watch anymore as i’m aging (or am i not?)

I could still remember how i was brought to watch a horror movie by a guy friend who has been trying to date me out a couple of times but being rejected. Ended up he promised to watch a nice horror movie with me. So we went to 1u.

Couldnt remember what’s the movie title but all i remembered till this moment in life is, i was terrified by his unusual movements of hands as if he’s gonna recline the cinema seats anytime - each time the ghost appeared on the screen. I mean, he’s literally so scared to watch a horror movie, why the hell he would want to bring me out to one at the first place? To impress me with how he can scare me?

Sigh.

And there’s no second time of course.

Anyway so i just came back from ‘Unborn’. Its like the very typical horror movie there’s never an ending because you see a tail line hanging half way- which then after a year or so we will see ‘Unborn 2′ ( i supposed?)

lol.

Met my sister in the cinema- sigh she’s sitting behind of me - Can you imagine how small this world is. Maybe she did that in purpose to check on me! and met another friend sitting right next to me.

We didnt recognise each other as the lights were off when i came in. But with lights on after show we were both laughing feeling so surprised! I guess the world is really small. The more you try to hide something you eventually met with all close friends!

Anyway, thanks for the movie I appreciate it.

Back to the reality, work work work tomorrow! Good niteys everyone

I’m tired over things. over lotsa things that have been around us.

You went disappeared for some time. for quite some time which i’ve lost count - i never heard a word. I’ve chosen to be silent. I’ve learnt not to count the days, i reckon you would still come back to me.

Disappointment surrounds me on & off. I hate it especially times that i�recall it was sleepless nights to remember how sweet you were to me, despite wee hours you were still awake to talk to me.

cw said i was naive.�Guys tend to remember the girls who like them, and calling them on and off to chat merely for the sake of reminding them his existance. Guys are afraid of losing. They just want the girls to stay, but never intended to hold the hearts.

Is this selfish thoughts real? Even if it is, it’s the girls who have decided to stay, they are still the one who’s making decision emotionally!

sigh. i’m just getting emo again.

i got a call from him after ages. after like, more than half a year? We havent been talking much. Even if we did, it’s some random MSN chats, no subjects, no contents. It was so random that i couldnt even remember how did it happen.

But it triggers some memories, it’s about how we met, how in a way i felt we got close, but he left without saying a word. How things turned really bad, how i was being ignored.

It’s some heartbreaking moments. But i guess i could have walked over stronger, without all the distractions.

Yes, i should have made up my mind much earlier. It’s over, there’s no way to turn back.

The feeling was strong, but not now anymore.

i know, its not now anymore.

It’s time to change all my passwords from his name to something new. It’s the right time now

I’ve been moody. I know i’ve been in such melancholy mood. But yes, that tends to make me think over things in a more profound way, which i’ve also never expected myself to have such matured thoughts.

I’m sick. Was just having flu, followed by cough, wondering when is their friend-Fever will be visiting me. They all come in a package, dont they?

Have been day dreaming a lot lately. Thinking a lot on ‘what if’. & Finally woke up in the reality that there’s no if.

Came back from a vacation. Will be going to another one this month. Is traveling really my cup of tea, or was i trying to escape things.

I always wonder what do i gain besides ‘experiences’ when i backpack that much. Was it the thrill that i got, or independency which i have been longing. I dont think i’m looking forward to any danger, but why am i still busy signing up trip by trip- non stop.

I’m suddenly tired. Shall i proceed with it?

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