i suddenly dont feel myself, just a lil lost. or maybe, quite lost.
you know when you have to make a crucial decision about the future it’s always tough. You are not sure what you gonna do next will bring you to a brand new higher level or it’s gonna be worse. If it stays the same what’s the point for the change?
Some people say it’s for the experience sharing. But what have i got to share when i need to gain more?
It’s some real stressful moments yesterday in the event. I am proud to have successfully delivered what i was supposed to though i’ve met with numerous challenges. Then i think of it again, am i gonna be in this life forever? or at least for the coming years?
The moment i swallowed the tasteless sandwich which was bought in the evening as my ‘lunch’, i remembered i still had a box of take-away food in the car. My unfinished biscuit was left at the passanger seat together with the untouched mealbox. I felt a sharp pain at the abdomen as if the gastric was kicking me in trying to rebel, complaining to the master that I’ve been ignorant to their appeal.
When was my last meal? I couldnt even remember. perhaps 18 hours or more ago. I didnt have a time to feed myself, or was i just trying to anesthetize my feeling. I dont ask for a amnesty, but i hope vengeance doesnt have to happen on me…
Life is fair. I’ve come to realise life only at a border of live and dead. This momenti amhere, the next minutei might be gone. We lose so many people throughout our lives. I wonder who still remembers you till the end of their lives, parents in exclusion.
He’s getting older. I’ve to constantly remind him of a lot of things. Being forgetful perhaps isan obvious sign of aging. I love him. I’m afraid of all the bye-byes.. but this is life! What havei got to lose, or vice versa.
It’s 4.36am in wee hours. I’m supposed to be sleeping, but i woke up feeling melancholic, i teared as i think of the past, current, and future,
I realise i’m still me,all thesewhile.
However strong i tried to disguise, inner deep down of Ms KhaiJia,Seow is still KJ after all.
-kj-
Dear guys,
I need 8 guys for New Year Countdown event:
Event: Mutiara Damansara Countdown
Date: 31st Dec 2008 (Wednesday)
Time: 9am to 1am after countdown
Venue: The Curve
Job Scope: Crew to assist in event flow for the night. Morning standby- for artistes’ rehearsal. Runner.
Requirements: Able to work, preferably with experience in event coordination.
Please send profiles with pictures to kjseow@gmail.com
-kj-
A great friend of mine from Philippines, passed away this early November.
Ralph EJ Bautista, 21 years old (18th March 1987 - 5th November 2008).
It’s sad to knowit only after weeks. Nobody knew about it till his dad sent out an email to be circulated around friends. I was shocked. Very shocked to find that my dear friend is no longer here with me.
He was in a comma after his car crashed into a truck due to the sleepiness of his driver on the 21st of Oct. He was with the other 5 family members- all of them survived including the driver, but his condition wasnt stable since he was admitted into the emergency ward. After went into coma for 2 weeks, he finally left all of us to be back with Lord on the 5th of November.
He was such a nice person. He accompanied me when i was lonely in NZ. He talked to me when i was lost. He stood by me when i needed support. He shared my problems when i was down.
But guess i took things for granted. I never appreciate what has been given to me for free- i set him free and never paid an effort trying to keep.
It was after months when we started talking again via MSN. He’s doing good. He said he missed me. But i didnt want anything to happen again as to be blamed as intruders into people’s relationship, i did a clear cut between friendship and relationship. He said he’s been waiting for me to come online - but i appeared offline instead.
It was only 2 weeks after he’s gone- i realised it’s been quite quiet from his side and shocked to find out from facebook page that he’s no longer here, with us.
I broke down to cry. I could do nothing but to fly over to console his family. But that will never bring him back.
Baby, it’s my one last time of calling you baby, i hope you will be doing good up there in the heaven. You were a sick person- perhaps God took you away to let you start a brand new life without needing to suffer. I will never forget every single moment we’ve spent in NZ, i appreciate whatever you’ve done for me, I treasure the night you gave me a big hug, and i shall remember how your big eyes stared into mine to give me the confidence.
All these remain deep down in my heart as part of me,It will not be buried together though you were gone.
The wallet you posted to me, together with the promises, i will keep them safe with me. Very safe with me.
Loving, and missingyou.
May you rest in peace, Ralph.
I was loitering aroundthe mall. I was just wasting some time before heading back to office.
At one glance, i thought i saw him. I thought, i did.
I didnt walk forward. I didnt want to approach. I back away, i disappeared myself in the massive crowd.
It made me thought of some time, and realized, of all ex-bf(s) i have, there’s only one (1) who is still in good talking terms right now. I mean, real good though he’s engaged to a sweet girl.
I sincerely wish them all the best. and glad he’s not a bypasser of my life. I treasure friends. and the bond in between.
Somehow we always lose ‘afriend’ after being more than friend. I understand people move on with life- so am i- but there’s not many people who can be friends again after the hurtful heartbreaking relationship reflected onto the maimed heart.
Some people chose to hide away, some people is still afraid that ex-gf will threaten the current one, some people goes offline for the rest of the life and am in the blocked-list.
Some people, chose to be ignorant because he didnt get what he wanted.
Someone who has had a great impact onto my life, chose to hide the current ones, despite whatever he isdoing hurts the ex. He is a strong believer in religion, he probably thinks i’m such a devil who have tempted him out of the cage. It’s over, the relationship is over. But he’s still afraid that i will go near his current partner, tries all his best to protect them and make me stay away to know the truth.
I was confused. I thought we are still friends- i thought. Just that moment i realize i was just a toy. Perhaps after the relationship was over life is back to normal - he’s back to the ‘right’ track which was not supposed to be diverted to any other path.
But i finally understand the whole situation. Why should i still be bothered when i wasnt even in the picture?
It was only yesterday that i suddenly realized, burst into tears, then laughter, and sigh to the fact that I was such an idiot to understand the whole picture after months.
Someone else, who persuaded me that a long distance relationship works if we both have faith in it- made me so touched that i thought he could be the one. But the next second i saw the 20% of uncertainty in his eyes- so i hold back.
and now that it has ended- and have ended so badly that i could never even gotten a chance to see him again.
The others, i guess i’ve been long deleted from their lives. Long gone .. long gone.
There’s one particular friend who i treasure much. I thought he would never want to forgive me for giving up in the relationship. It was after years that he has the courage to talk to me again, i was glad. and am still glad that we talk. We could talk about anything- we meet once a while (really after a while) but could catch up a lot. It’s great knowing that he’s doing really fine far in a foreign country. It’s glad to know he’s now in a very stable commited relationship.
People who’ve hurt me, people whom i’ve hurt, are all part of my life. They made me into who i am today, no matter to a better or worse person, but i still treasure the memories they have given me.
I suddenly felt such a relief. I took a big breathe. I looked up to the sky.
I took so long to walk out of the gloomy world.
Life, isnt so bad after all 
-kj-
Hello,
I need 6 girls for the following event and must be able to fit into the requirements:
Event: Property Launch 2009
Date: 19 November 2008 (Wednesday)
Venue: Ampang
Time: 5pm-9pm (Standby at 3.30pm)
Requirements:
#1 Pleasant looking
#2 Height at least 54
#3 race: Chinese - able to converse in fluent English.
#4 Able to do a lil PR work to talk to the VIPs in English.
Job Scopes:
#1 Bringing the VIPs into the showroom.
#2 Smile for the camera.
Please send your profiles with pictures to kjseow@gmail.com
Cheers.
KJ
